Leaning on your friends and family

Going through workplace trauma can be extremely isolating, leading to depression and other serious problems.

So let's talk about marshalling your resources. I mean, really leaning on certain people in your life when you're experiencing workplace trauma.

One of the first things I ask a new client is: do you have a therapist?

You may not always realize it but dealing with a toxic workplace can take a marked toll on your health. (I don't distinguish between mental and physical, it's all connected.)

But beyond the more obvious health professionals that you may need, you may overlook friends, family, even some people you've not been that close with in the past.

In my own situation, when I think about who I leaned on when I was in the thick of things, there was a wide range of people.

First, there was my life partner, who was really the main lifeline, and I always credit him with getting me through a very rough period.

Also, a couple of close friends were there for me when my guy was too busy, or I just needed another perspective.

Beyond them, I also called upon several colleagues who were in my field and knew some of the players involved. They had dealt with a lot of sexism, so understood what I was experiencing. They also knew that some of the men in my field were capable of engaging in the type of smear campaign that I was being subject to at work.

These women were not close friends of mine at the time, but we knew each other well enough that they were happy to help.

When I really think about who helped me in the way I needed: to feel heard and understood, it was these women who validated my experiences.

I cannot emphasize enough the value of shared experiences. With so many covert forms of workplace abuse, it can be crazy-making. The self-gaslighting can make you question your reality. That’s why you need others to tell you: It’s not you, it’s them.

You may need to go outside of your immediate circles to get this.

Many of us are hesitant to call on others because we think we are "bothering" people. No. You're not. You’re a human reaching out to another human.

Not all will be willing, but some are very happy to help, and it can even validate their own experiences.

While I was disappointed and betrayed by many of my closest colleagues at work, once I went outside that immediate circle, I was able to find women who understood and supported me.

And I don't mean just one phone call, although there were plenty of those too. A few women were willing to have multiple calls with me, to guide me through and help me feel supported.

I would lay awake in the early morning hours (because loss of sleep is so common), waiting for it to be not “too early” to call on one of my friends. (It helps to have friends in a later time zone!)

I still remember several very emotional calls, at pivotal times. A few of those women I am still in touch with, while a few others have faded away. And that's OK too.

What have you got to lose to reach out to that colleague or old friend you knew years ago and you think may be willing to support you now?

Or maybe a long lost aunt or cousin you think may really get it.

They may surprise you.

Marshalling your resources can be a lifeline. I highly recommend it.

What do you think?

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